All Christians Struggle

I went from being in one of my highest state of spiritual faith and growth to a time of hardcore struggle in a very sudden and short time. It is a very humbling experience. It is also a great reminder that all Christians struggle.
Too many times in my pride have I said I am so strong in faith that I will never struggle badly! Too many times have I looked down on Christians who struggled with reading the word, with spending time in prayer. But here I am in the same boat as everyone I judged, and the boat has capsized. I am holding onto the overturned boat for dear life. My hands slip - they are wet - and the boat is slippery - but I struggle to stay afloat.
Yes, all Christians struggle. Even the best of the best - thus we are all humans who desperately need Jesus. But, the one comforting thing I know through God's promises in His word is that He will never let me go. He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).
I think the best part of struggles and tribulations is that you learn endurance. And that means you always come out with more character. And character produces hope. And hope does not disappoint. =] (Romans 5).

Grades and Character

Spring quarter 2008, my second year at UCLA, I my first Von Blum class. I had an opportunity to write an essay of my choice on any visual poster that took a stance for a controversial issue and defend my stance on it. The class was an extremely liberal one, with extremely liberal classmates, professors, and TAs. My desire, my passion, my fervor was in writing an essay that was anti-abortion. I did hours upon hours of research, watching videos, learning more and more while being filled with anger at the injustice of abortion. I started my paper on this topic; however, hours later, my mind wandered and remembered that my TA was a very liberal female who was very reputable in giving bad grades, especially if the stances were against the majority belief of the class. In fear, in cowardness, I scrapped the whole paper on abortion that I had already started and wrote a new whole paper on the need to preserve our environment. It was the most shameful "A" I have ever gotten in college.

Fall quarter 2008, my third Von Blum class (I had taken another one over the summer), I have the opportunity to write a paper almost as open-ended as the time I gave up the abortion essay. The class, Professor Von Blum, and all the TAs are still as liberal as ever, but this time, I will not give up my passion and fervor on the topic of abortion. I will not fear a grade - a simple letter - that 'apparently' tells of how one excelled in school, in college. The grade does not make the person; it does not show people who you are. It does not necessarily mean you are smart; it does not mean you excel. There are many wonderous things about people behind just their grades. Its a sad thing that scholarships do not view it as so.

I love people with character. I love people who are a piece of rock - they are solid, and the choices they make reflect it. Talent is a gift my friends, but character is always a choice. This time, my God-driven passion and hatred for abortion - the murder of the unborn - is going to produce an essay that is true and not modified to please the hearts of men. Thank goodness I have an opportunity to do this again. What a joyous essay this is going to be to write. What a sigh of relief.

*If you want to know know all the reasons why I am anti-abortion, do not fear to ask. I will tell you, gladly, and I will not be nazi-like to you. I will just tell you the truth.
www.abort73.com

Man of God

Today's sermon on what it means to be a man of God was awesome.
Guns? My guns are from my Bible - the living word of God!

It should be up soon on
http://ccac.ws/tinc?key=6cMqkMzG

I'm still going to work out though.

Convictions from Church Today

So I didn't many notes at church for whatever reason, but I was convicted of a couple things today. So, to make sure I do not forget these convictions, and to make sure I apply these things, I write this entry.

#1
You spend time with what you love. I love my webcam. I love facebook. I wish I loved God more. Instead of coming back from class everyday and instantly checking facebook, or instantly going to videochatting with friends when I'm bored, why can't I just dive into the Bible?! That is my conviction. I love God. I cannot love that whom I do not know. I know God through the Bible. It is His words. Man, that conviction hit hard. I freaking love God's word, but by what I spend my time with, exceedingly I love facebook and my webcam more.

#2
I am super prideful. Everyone thinks I'm super humble, but honestly I am the least of the humble. I am not leaving any room to be gentle in this issue because this one has to hit me hard, and people need to know so they can pray for me and kill my pride. Why else do I constantly check facebook for updates, or constantly leave webcam messages? This pride issue was no part of the Bible study today, but as I was reflecting upon why I spent so much more time on myself and checking comments and what not, it hit me and reminded me that I find more satisfaction in myself than in God. Heck, last night I rewatched Piper's Boasting Only in the Cross sermon before sleeping. I love that sermon. And it didn't even hit me till today during church. Oh my crazy pride.

#3
I AM ashamed of the gospel. So many times, especially when I'm eating with a lot of nonchristian friends, or my co-workers, I pray really subtle prayers. Not that this is bad, but the fact that I try to hide my prayers. How foolish of me. And yet, with Christian friends I'm the one gladly saying, 'I'll gladly pray!' I am ashamed, but oh how I love the gospel. I need to not be ashamed. I love it so dearly.

#4
You all need to settle on a good church where you can grow and serve! This conviction is for y'all readers if you don't have a church. After 2 years at a church ... I was so happy to be free and away and not committed to being a member of the church that I went on a church hopping spree for 3 months. I knew the first church I checked out, CCAC, was awesome, but my free spirited will wanted to explore all the churches and be free! But, thanks to awesome spiritual brothers and sisters in Christ, I settled at CCAC. Now I couldn't be more happier and more blessed. Even people in the community church that I don't even know are encouraging me through little subtle actions that they don't even know are encouraging. Find a church - stop church hopping - and get plugged in! Serve =]

God bless y'all.

Compromise

I am amazed and appalled at how much Christians compromise in the world today. I can't stand it and I don't understand it.

One thing that people seem to compromise is God's standards... in order to reach out to more people. Hmm, something there sounds funny. Giving up God's standards to bring people to God? Compromising God to bring people to God? When did salvation become of the preacher, of the evangelist, or the man? Salvation has been, is, and will always be "of the LORD." (Psalm 3:8 and countless other Bible verses). You don't compromise God for numbers. You don't say, "gay marriage and gay pastors" are okay so that you can have more "christians" among you to count in your numbers.

I got "rebuked" by a nonbeliever yesterday while evangelizing, saying that we should focus on the method of evangelism. That the success rate for us should be at least 50%, and if not, we are doing something wrong and need to change something. Other Christians and churches are receiving those numbers and those success rates. They are also the churches that say salvation is a short prayer, is attending church, is prosperity. They preach a reduced gospel that lacks truth. They deceive people; many in their congregation believe that they are saved, but are not! That drives me nuts. This is what compromise does. Man... since when was evangelism measured by success rates and numbers?! Since when has evangelism become methods methods methods - the smallest amount of truth to reach the biggest amount of people?

Boy, I sure am glad that Salvation is of the LORD! I am glad that evangelism is not about numbers, but about glorifying God! If it weren't, I would focus on numbers and success and I would end up compromising truth. There is nothing I can do to will someone into grace. I am only the messenger. And as the messenger, I will tell TRUTH. The BIGGEST amount of TRUTH to the BIGGEST amount of people.

I can't believe I'm seeing so much compromise in "christianity" today. Argh. Stop compromising. You changing God does not bring people to God. Only God brings people to God. He first Loves. He first draws. Thank goodness for the examples of the Apostales who never compromised and preached only truth. Don't compromise! Chop at everything. If you keep chopping away, the ONLY thing that will STAND is ABSOLUTE TRUTH!

Thankful for an Awesome Church

There is one thing I've been really thankful for in the past few weeks, and that is a solid church. I settled at Community Christian Alliance Church (CCAC) about 4-5 weeks ago and it has been an amazing blessing to me. These are a few reasons (out of many) that I love this church.

1) Solid Biblical Preaching
-Dang! The sermons are so awesome because they are based on scripture - and the word of God does not fail to convict me. These sermons humble me in light of God's glory. And the expository style makes me want to read my Bible more and examine the scriptures.

2) They preach Doctrine
-Most churches don't and if they do, a lot of is doctrine taught out of pride. They say doctrine builds your heart in pride. It then hardens your heart. Goodness gracious. Doctrine should not build your pride nor should it harden your heart. The more you know doctrine, the more you know God, and it should humble you and soften your heart! Doctrine and humility go hand in hand because as you realize the greatness of God and the greatness of your sin, you realize you are nothing. I love how they stress this.

3) Praise
-I love the praise here. I don't know what it is about praise, but I love the song choices, and I love the environment of the fellow congregation praising together in this church. It just draws me to worship God with all my heart. Today we sang the hymn - How Deep the Father's Love - my new favorite hymn.

4) Welcoming and Sincere Congregation
-Out of all the churches I've ever visited in my entire life, this church has been the easiest to make friends, find accountability partners, and associate with. It took one thursday night college bible study (Sojourners) to get to know many of them. And they open up so easily to everyone who is new! I love my church members. I love the peers, the young ones, and the older ones. They are so encouraging - even in light of their sufferings.

5) Easy to serve
-It is easy to serve at this church. People are always needed to serve here in simple and harder things - from picking up trash, moving tables, to Fun Factory (Holy-ween type thing at Korean Churches for Halloween). Also, serving opportunities on the bulletins and announcements!

6) Multi-ethnic Congregation
-It started out as a English speaking Chinese Church, but is very multi-ethnic. We have a white pastor who can speak chinese! We have a multi-ethnic group of pastors and members that I love seeing. I love how easy it will be to bring friends or nonbelievers to church with me (unlike before where I went to a Korean church).

7) Amazing Spiritual Growth
-I am finally growing in church as much as I have been growing in KCM. Never have I grown in faith like I have in KCM - especially not in churches. But here, I finally am! When I graduate, KCM will no longer be in the picture, but church will.

8) God-focused, God-centered, God-everything
-It is focused on God and not us! God is the supreme, not us. It preaches no prosperity gospel, it preaches no reduced message. It preaches God. And it welcomes the nonbeliever, and it reaches out to the community (like through Fun Factory) and rejoices when someone comes to accept or even take a step closer towards being found in salvation. Oh how I love a God-centered church.

Just had to share that blessing. I feel rejuvenated after every week. Refreshed in having been able to relax and enjoy the presence of God together with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. If anyone is looking for a church - let me know. This is an awesome one. =]

My Dream Funeral

When I die (not saying I'm dying soon - dear God I hope not soon!), I want a huge funeral. And this is what I want at my funeral.

I want everyone I've ever known, everyone who has ever been an acquaintance, friend, or enemy to come. Everyone who is Christian and everyone who is non-Christian, and anyone else who wants to come, come.

I want everyone to celebrate at my funeral. I will be with God! They better be celebrating! I know I sure will be. I'll be in so much indescribable joy - it'll be fantastic. And I'll be waiting for you, brothers and sisters in Christ - to worship God together!

I want the gospel preached. Not just some prosperity gospel, or a gospel that is reduced, but a gospel that tells the whole truth - the cursings and the blessings - I want to go with a bang! Even after I'm dead! May my death be a time of gathering the many people I've met throughout my life - from Korea, to Las Vegas, to California - so that they may hear the gospel. Man, this is one of the main reasons I can't wait till my funeral. To everyone I've failed to share the gospel with, please be there. Hear it, and I hope my life lived it. I want it preached in English, and then in Korean. Hear it family, please hear it. There are big circumstances that keep me from speaking to you.

At my funeral, I do NOT want people to remember me as someone who lived a "good life." I do not want to hear people say - "He's in heaven for sure! He did so many great deeds when he was here on earth." I want them to know that deeds do not get them to heaven. I want people to know that without God no one is good or righteous. That without God, no one is capable of living a good righteous life, especially me.
I do NOT want people to remember me as someone who had a "good heart." I want people to know that the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick (Jeremiah 17:9). I want them to know that I once had a very sick heart - a heart that was made of stone, that did not seek after God, but after my own selfish ambitions and pleasures. But, the Holy Spirit worked in me and pointed me straight to Jesus Christ and helped me understand that the Lord and Savior Christ died for my sins, and renewed my heart from stone to flesh. And that without Christ as their Lord and Savior, they cannot have a good heart. They are not a new creation. Their hearts condemn them to hell. Not in a message of hatred, not in a message of the pride, but in a message of love that pleads with them and urges them to Christ.
I DO want people to weep and mourn my death. But after the preaching of the gospel, I want them to mourn and weep in repentence, in the knowledge of their own sin, and in the knowledge of the story of salvation given to them by the grace of God. I want them to weep and cry out more than they cried about my death.

Everyone wants to be remembered. I do too. But I want Christ remembered more.

I've only been to one funeral, and it was a little baby girl's funeral. I don't know if babies go to heaven after death or not... and I may never know until the day I die, but here's what I know. I know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28). I remember visiting the family's parents at the UCLA Pediatrics ICU every chance I got. I remember thinking every week, 'I'm going to go there and encourage them today!' But nay, every time I went, I was the one encouraged; I was the one blown away by their faith. For the 4-5 weeks they were in the ICU and their baby was dying, they took the time to go around to the children, and the parents of other possibly dying children, and preached the gospel to them. They not only preached it to them, they lived it - by prayer, by comforting, by everything. And they lived the gospel to me. At her funeral, they had the gospel shared, and I loved hearing it. Christian - everytime you hear the gospel again, don't you love it all the more? Don't you want to cling onto God and weep at the love and grace showered upon you as you realize even yet how sinful you still are? NonChristian - every time you hear the gospel again, does it bring you slowly closer to realizing your own sins and trespasses against God? Do you not feel God tugging at your heart?

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:25-26

Romans 8:28

28. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

I love this verse. It helps me find joy in almost every circumstance. Or as Piper puts it in his "7 point Calvinsim" - the best of all possible outcomes!

Plus I'm reading Watson's 'All Things for Good' aka 'A Divine Cordial.'
His chapter on how God uses temptation for the good of those who love Him is sick!
Here are some quotes...

"Temptation sends the soul to prayer. The deer being shot with the dart, runs faster to the water. When Satan shoots his fiery darts at the soul, it then runs faster to the throne of grace"

"This is all the hurt the devil does. When he foils a saint by temptation, he cures him of his careless neglect; he makes him watch and pray more."

"There is a great deal of difference between falling into temptation, and running into temptation. The falling into a temptation shall work for good, not the running into it.

Anyway. I just thought it was time to update this blog for the first time ever. And I guess why not start with the verse that gave it its name?

God Bless Y'all!