I was rereading my private journal and found an entry I wrote while I was still in school. It was an epic battle between mind and body to wake up to go to a class I considered useless to attend. Now I'm glad I went and glad I wrote this in my journal.
I normally don't share private journal entries... in fact this is the 1st time I'm doing so! But... Here it is!
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11/17/09 - 1:45pm - Tuesday
~Discipline in Waking Up for the Glory of God~
. .Yesterday morning (Monday) was such a struggle to wake up. I was tired - mentally + physically. Everything in me wanted to go back to sleep, to rest. Talking and self-motivating myself, I got up and even got dressed. But, thinking about my 8am Military Science 21 class, I thought...
. .Useless, no attendance, pointless to go.
. .Then I thought of excuses - I feel sick! And the crazy part is that I convinced myself that I really was, though I was not! I made my decision to sleep in, told Jon, and went back on my bed.
But God did not let me sleep - no, instead He made me think - really Cho? You're just going to give up? That was your fight?!
. .And as I thought, I came to a realization that in the future - especially w/ministry - I will face days just like these, sometimes even worse, but I can't just not show up. I can't just give in and sleep. I need to discipline myself, RIGHT NOW. I need to practice and fight now so that when days harder than yesterday come, I will be prepared to get up and glorify God whenever I need to be - wherever I committed to be.
. .Honestly, there are days I will feel like not getting out of bed. Eyelids will be heavy, sometimes heart heavier, but may the glory of my God always be heaviest that I may get up, discipline myself, and fully rely on God for strength.
. .Discipline now Cho! So you never miss a sermon, a work day, a promise. Discipline yourself to godliness Cho. Discipline - for the glory of God!